Why I Write About Grief

People write about many different things. In fact, it is said that writers write best when they write about what they know. In my case, I write about many things, but there is nothing I write more about than grief. Today I’d like to share the “real” reason for this. I truly hope this post helps you understand the purpose of this blog a little better. Enjoy!


Grief is a touchy subject, to say the least. It’s a subject that tugs at the most protected parts of my heart. Although grief is something we all share in one way or another, it feels lonely and isolating. We long to be held, but we don’t want to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is difficult. Being vulnerable means that we have to let our guards down and expose the parts of our souls we try so desperately to keep shielded from the judging eyes of the world. So why would I voluntarily write so openly about grief?


The truth is, grief is part of all of us to varying degrees. Whether we care to admit it or not, grief is a part of our DNA, passed down from generation to generation. It is in our very human nature to feel love, which subsequently means it is in our very nature to feel grief. While in general love is celebrated, love after death is kept behind closed doors. It’s too intense. It’s too precious and fragile to let loose, but deep down we yearn for the same sense of community and approval that “love before death” is privy to.


It’s been nearly two decades since I experienced grief like I never had before. That’s nearly 20 years of wrestling with a multitude of confusing and sometimes contradicting emotions within the deepest parts of my heart and soul. That’s nearly 20 years of living with the incessant pain of losing both my parents at the age of 10. That’s nearly 20 years of living with the pleasant memories of the life I once shared with those I called and still call “mummy” and “daddy”. Not a single year has gone by without me writing about grief. Since the very first day of my orphanhood I wrote about grief, not knowing just how instrumental it would be to this day.


I started writing about grief to cope with what was going on in my life and in an attempt to make sense of my emotions. Although I still do, writing about grief is a lot bigger than it was before. Writing about grief is my contribution to society; my contribution to “normalising” grief. I write about grief because I am starting to understand that grief has a myriad of faces and doesn’t just mean “pain” and “misery”. There is so much more to grief that many of us do not dare explore because of the fear of reliving unspeakable pain. Writing about my personal journey with grief not only helps me document it for myself and my children, but it is also an opportunity for me to help other people explore their own experiences and feelings which in turn, I hope, helps them navigate their grief journeys from a place of calm and acceptance rather than a place of fear, solitude and judgement.


The “grief” I write about is not limited to the Oxford dictionary’s broad definition (i.e. “intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death”). The “grief” I write about goes beyond that and explores both positive and negative emotions attached to the loss of a loved one without any limiting timeframe. It is about what I find to be at the core of grief, which is love. Love is a recurring theme in my writing because I truly believe that true grief is simply an extension of true love. Writing about this deeper meaning of grief and about my journey with it is my way of keeping the legacy of my parents’ love alive with the hope of inspiring others in the process.


Peace & Love, always…


Stella